I had a really wonderful day with my mom, and the weather was perfect

But, I think something is not right with me. When I sit at the table, at the restaurant I’ve wanted to go to for so long and we get the food, but it has no taste to me.

And, I sit in one of my favorite spots in the world, and people are happy, and with friends and drinking. And, I want to be there in that moment, I want to sit across from my mom. I just watch her and try to capture that image of her across from me. I want it to stay in my head for forever. To always remember that beautiful image of her and how content she seemed. But, at the same time never wanting to feel how I felt right there again. Because I looked at the scenery, heard the kids laughing, the look on the faces as the friends listened - I couldn’t feel anything good or right, and although I knew it should be feeling beautiful and wonderful I actually couldn’t feel anything. That is how I know something is not right with me right now.

I’m trying not to be dramatic, or too much of anything, but I think right now I just am on overload from the past few weeks. Today, I also found out some things that actually bothered me so much that my heart feels raw, and I’m a bit empty. I’m on empty right now.

Maybe it’s that tomorrow is Father’s day. Or maybe that’s just me trying to find something an excuse or something.

I don’t know what I need to do, but go away for little bit and get some sort of center again.