my brother called me this evening to remind me I had some catching up with him to do on a certain someone.
I told him pretty much everything - except the details that no older brother wants to hear about their baby sister ha - in which he told me “you are better than that…and you are worth more than that!” I told him that I knew this, and that is why I feel like I can move on, because if someone can’t appreciate and see what is special about who I am and what I can provide, then I need to keep moving forward towards what I deserve. I told him I have no regrets for anything I did, and think anything is far from a mistake or anything in between. He told me he was proud of me for handling it the way I am and for understanding that I am worth more than that. He also told me that he thought if I start it up again with this person then that is ok, too, as long as they are able to give me what I need.
Yes, I’m still sad about it, because of course I wish it could have turned out differently. But, I really think I did everything I could and then some. I know there are a lot of things that are there that the other person can’t come to just give in to - but that isn’t my problem anymore. I need to be with someone who wants me just as much as I want them, and able to appreciate everything each other has and gives to one another.
This is all easier said than done, but I truly think if we believe this enough - that we deserve a better and greater love - that we can see the truth and light in the situation to set us free of our own suffering, and the control we are trying to have over a situation simply not meant to be.
This conversation was so important, because it has a lot to do with why I am not just saying this to simply motivate myself to move on. I truly believe with all my heart that my love is only deserving of those that can return it and love me back without cutting any corners. To have someone like my brother flat out tell me “you are better than settling for anything less than you deserve” is all I needed to hear to know I am doing the right thing, and did do the right thing. I just don’t know if there is anything more clarifying than that. I’ve been having other conversations and I can see that I am getting frustrated and communicating similar things not in the most loving way. But, I also think sometimes it just comes to a point that you need to express tough love - not to cause harm - but to say enough is enough, make them wake up and see their own beauty and strength, and choose happiness for themselves instead of constantly dwelling in any pain of the situation. We have the power to choose happiness over pain, we have the power to let go, we have the power to see the light and move forward.